Juvenihil

Posts Tagged ‘twilight

I Hate Twilight, postscript

with one comment

twilight

Today, a bunch of helicopters woke me up.

You see, the Hot Topic at my local mall had the brilliant idea of hosting a meet-and-greet with Robert Pattinson, the star of the new Twilight movie. Apparently the first helicopters brought the star and his entourage; the second batch held reporters. The only problem was, about 2,500 too many fangirls showed up (it’s becoming more and more clear that when it comes to Twilight, they just keep coming and coming). I’m not sure what saddens me more: that fans who waited up to six hours to meet a guy who plays a vampire were turned away, or that they were turned away from Hot Topic. I noticed that about a third of my classmates were mysteriously absent from school today; I sincerely hope they were smoking or vacationing with their families, not at Stonestown.

Also, is it just me or does Pattinson look more like a werewolf than a vampire? I’m not sure if this is a promotion picture or how the actor usually looks, but I think he’s too brawny and tan to be a vampire.

Written by jane

November 10, 2008 at 6:44 PM

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged with ,

Being a teen sucks, #2

with 3 comments

#2: The Twilight series.

When I first heard a couple of my peers talking about Twilight, I thought they were referring to the Twilight Zone. “Cool!” I thought. “I’m not the only person under fifty who tunes into the SciFi channel!” I was sadly mistaken. For those of you who are not familiar with this particular literary travesty, Twilight is, according to Wikipedia, a series of “vampire-based fantasy/romance/horror novels by American author Stephanie Meyer.” I think the description speaks for itself.

Basically, Twilight is the smutty story of Isabella Swan (…), a high school girl who falls in love with Edward, a vampire from a couple centuries ago. Of course, Edward just happens to be totally harmless– he’s a “vegetarian vampire,” meaning he doesn’t drink human blood. I can’t decide whether this makes him incredibly progressive or just decidedly non-vampirian. Anyway, Edward is a complete Mary-Sue: dark, handsome, smart, and perpetually young (he’s frozen at seventeen). The series consists mainly of Isabella fantasizing about Edward and the occasional Vampire!Drama. Here’s an excerpt from the back cover of one of the books:

“BELLA?”

Edward’s soft voice came from behind me. I turned to see him spring lightly up the porch steps, his hair windblown from running. He pulled me into his arms at once, just like he had in the parking lot, and kissed me again.

This kiss frightened me. There was too much tension, too strong an edge to the way his lips crushed mineā€”like he was afraid we had only so much time left to us.*

How the hell is this book a New York Times #1 Bestseller? I have nothing against romance– in fact, most of my favorite books are love stories– but this is simply too cringe-worthy. In fact, I could only get through the first half of the first book. Teenagers looking to broaden their reading horizons should check out 1,001 Books, which includes some classics as well as engaging new reads like Jefferey Eugenides’s Middlesex. And few of these works are very complicated; Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro is probably no more difficult to read than a Harry Potter book.

* This back cover excerpt belongs to Stephanie Meyers.

Written by jane

August 31, 2008 at 1:51 AM