Being a teen sucks, #2

with 3 comments

#2: The Twilight series.

When I first heard a couple of my peers talking about Twilight, I thought they were referring to the Twilight Zone. “Cool!” I thought. “I’m not the only person under fifty who tunes into the SciFi channel!” I was sadly mistaken. For those of you who are not familiar with this particular literary travesty, Twilight is, according to Wikipedia, a series of “vampire-based fantasy/romance/horror novels by American author Stephanie Meyer.” I think the description speaks for itself.

Basically, Twilight is the smutty story of Isabella Swan (…), a high school girl who falls in love with Edward, a vampire from a couple centuries ago. Of course, Edward just happens to be totally harmless– he’s a “vegetarian vampire,” meaning he doesn’t drink human blood. I can’t decide whether this makes him incredibly progressive or just decidedly non-vampirian. Anyway, Edward is a complete Mary-Sue: dark, handsome, smart, and perpetually young (he’s frozen at seventeen). The series consists mainly of Isabella fantasizing about Edward and the occasional Vampire!Drama. Here’s an excerpt from the back cover of one of the books:


Edward’s soft voice came from behind me. I turned to see him spring lightly up the porch steps, his hair windblown from running. He pulled me into his arms at once, just like he had in the parking lot, and kissed me again.

This kiss frightened me. There was too much tension, too strong an edge to the way his lips crushed mine—like he was afraid we had only so much time left to us.*

How the hell is this book a New York Times #1 Bestseller? I have nothing against romance– in fact, most of my favorite books are love stories– but this is simply too cringe-worthy. In fact, I could only get through the first half of the first book. Teenagers looking to broaden their reading horizons should check out 1,001 Books, which includes some classics as well as engaging new reads like Jefferey Eugenides’s Middlesex. And few of these works are very complicated; Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro is probably no more difficult to read than a Harry Potter book.

* This back cover excerpt belongs to Stephanie Meyers.


Written by jane

August 31, 2008 at 1:51 AM

3 Responses

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  1. Sniffles I like Twilight…. Though I have to agree with you on all of them! Twilight is actually very popular among teens. (I am one by the way.) The Breaking Dawn premiere was packed O.O though even I have to admit I got bored there. Energy drinks are disgusting so I have to agree… Oh and poetry is boring! I always found underaged clubs a but boring and stupid. Thats all my comments I guess…


    September 4, 2008 at 5:44 PM

  2. (Here via Displaced Texan, just fyi.)

    Like Tori, I too love Twilight. Have you actually read it? Because I went into it thinking, “omg dumb” but came out thinking, “omg I’m totally a 12 year old girl still!” (And I’m actually 23 and an aspiring writer of “serious” fiction, haha.)

    I admit, the plot is ridiculous and the writing is hardly stellar, but you might be surprised if you give it a shot.

    Or you might hate it still, haha, and that’s okay too.


    March 25, 2009 at 6:02 PM

  3. I read about half of the first book, somewhere around two to three hundred pages, I think. Like you said, the writing is bad, and I think that’s what made me put the book down. I found the sentences very clumsy and the fawning prose very purple; it reminded me of the peer-editing I had to do in ninth grade. I know people who read Twilight despite its writing because they’re curious about the plot and want to see what happens to Bella and Edward (I actually thought the plot was one of the better aspects of the book). I mean, I read Harry Potter all the way through, and not because of the writing! But I didn’t feel the same pull for Twilight. The parts about vampire history were fine, but overall it didn’t compare with even Harry Potter, and I already have my fantasy go-to books, you know? Also, I tend to be a little apathetic about plots; if they’re there, fine, but I’m reading the book for the style.


    March 25, 2009 at 6:38 PM

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